{"id":4433,"date":"2020-12-27T09:24:27","date_gmt":"2020-12-27T07:24:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/existentia.com.hr\/?p=4433"},"modified":"2020-12-28T00:07:09","modified_gmt":"2020-12-27T22:07:09","slug":"granice-bez-razdvajanja","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/existentia.com.hr\/hr\/granice-bez-razdvajanja\/","title":{"rendered":"Postaviti granice bez razdvajanja"},"content":{"rendered":"

Annie Mahon obja\u0161njava va\u017enost granica i mogu\u0107nosti ranjivog povezivanja kroz postavljanje istih, pogotovo u vrijeme blagdana.<\/p>\n

U ovo doba godine mo\u017eemo otkriti da nam na\u0161e obitelji i prijatelji ili o\u010dekivanja godi\u0161njeg odmora okidaju okida\u010de. Ako ste se bavili nekom vrstom osobnog razvoja, znate da je navodni odgovor na sve ovo nau\u010diti postavljati granice. Pored ovisnika o cjelo\u017eivotnoj samopomo\u0107i, ja sam i u\u010denik Buddhe koji ka\u017ee da u kona\u010dnoj dimenziji nema razdvajanja izme\u0111u mene i tebe, izme\u0111u mene i ovog ra\u010dunala, niti izme\u0111u mene i ki\u0161e koja se spu\u0161ta u ovom trenutku. Ako nema razdvajanja, kako mo\u017ee postojati granica? Ovo je pitanje o kojem sam razmi\u0161ljala dok sam gledala ki\u0161u.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Poradimo zajedno na ovom pitanju. “Me\u0111ubi\u0107e”<\/em> je izraz koji je smislio Thich Nhat Hanh, a odnosi se na ideju da ni\u0161ta samo po sebi ne mo\u017ee postojati. Bez sunca, biljke ne mogu \u017eivjeti. Bez biljaka ljudi ne mogu \u017eivjeti. Bez farmera koji sadi i bere biljke, ne bih imala hranu. Bez svojih predaka ne bih bila ni \u017eiva kako bih jela biljke. I tako dalje.<\/p>\n

Granice, kako ih je definirao Wiki, trebale bi: \u201edefinirati pojedinca iscrtavanjem toga \u0161to nam se svi\u0111a i ne svi\u0111a, i postavljanjem udaljenosti na kojima se drugima omogu\u0107uje pristup.”<\/p>\n

Svi\u0111a mi se ideja o granicama kao na\u010dinu da iscrta na\u0161e obrise. Granice mogu pru\u017eiti kartu na\u0161eg unutarnjeg terena s mjestima na kojima smo ozlije\u0111eni zaokru\u017eenim crvenom olovkom. Potrebna je praksa i samosvijest da bismo znali gdje su ta mjesta u nama. Moj prethodni terapeut nazivao je ta mjesta bolnim no\u017enim prstima. Bolni no\u017eni prsti mogli su nastati dok smo bili mladi ili smo ih preuzeli iz prethodnih generacija. Nitko nije kriv za na\u0161e bolne no\u017ene prste, ali va\u017eno je znati gdje su.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Suprug mi voli re\u0107i kojim putem da idem dok vozim, a on je na suvoza\u010devom mjestu. Iako uspje\u0161no vozim posljednjih \u010detrdeset godina (od toga 34 godine s njim), on vjeruje da nisam u stanju optimalno obaviti ovaj zadatak bez njegova anga\u017emana. Ako ga zamolim da ne govori, \u0161utke \u0107e pokazivati na parkirna mjesta, izlazne rampe ili zelena svjetla. Da, ovo je jedan od mojih bolnih no\u017enih prstiju.<\/p>\n

O granicama razmi\u0161ljam kao o praksi brige za svoje bolne no\u017ene prste. Cjelokupna praksa meditacije svjesnosti mogla bi biti shva\u0107ena kao cjelo\u017eivotna praksa poznavanja i lije\u010denja svih na\u0161ih bolnih no\u017enih prstiju. Iscjeljivanje bolnih no\u017enih prstiju dovodi do manje patnje u svakodnevnom \u017eivotu. Prva Buddhina Plemenita istina mogla bi se preoblikovati kao: “U \u017eivotu \u0107e vam nagaziti bolne no\u017ene prste.” Moji bolni no\u017eni prsti su 100% moji da ih osjetim, moje je da ih za\u0161titim od nagazanja i moje je da ih zacjeljujem.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Stoga sam mu\u017eu rekla o svojem bolnom no\u017enom prstu kad mi govori kako voziti.\u00a0 A onda sam podijelila granicu kojom bih trebala za\u0161tititi no\u017eni prst od daljnih ozljeda: Ako ispravlja moju vo\u017enju vi\u0161e od jednog puta u vo\u017enji, jednostavno \u0107e morati oti\u0107i iz auta, tada i tamo.<\/p>\n

Ako se ne pobrinem za bolni no\u017eni prst, bol zbog ponovnog ga\u017eenja na njega navest \u0107e me na eksploziju i na to da ne\u0161to ka\u017eem. Vjerojatno ne\u0161to \u0161to \u0107e biti podlo. Eksplodiranje ne podr\u017eava sre\u0107u ili iscjeljenje. Voljela bih da nemam ovaj bolni no\u017eni prst, ali jednostavno imam. Obi\u010dno zavr\u0161im s glavoboljom nakon \u0161to vi\u010dem, hrpom nepotrebne krivnje i osje\u0107ajem se jo\u0161 odvojenije od partnera – jer mi je bolni no\u017eni prst upaljen i jo\u0161 dalje od iscjeljenja.\u00a0Ovo nije ugodan ili odr\u017eiv na\u010din putovanja.<\/p>\n

Svatko ima razli\u010dite bolne no\u017ene prste. Mo\u017eda vam ne\u0107e smetati vo\u017enja s mojim suprugom (te\u0161ko je zamisliti, ali teoretski mogu\u0107e.) Odlu\u010dujem postaviti granice kako bih za\u0161titila svoje bolne no\u017ene prste dovoljno dugo da ih izlije\u010dim. Postoje reakcije koje jo\u0161 nisam uspjela transformirati i mo\u017eda ih ne\u0107u mo\u0107i transformirati u jednom svom kratkom \u017eivotu. Ne mogu sprije\u010diti druge ljude da mi ikad nagaze na bolne no\u017ene prste, ali ljudima mogu barem dati do znanja gdje su. Dijelim bolne no\u017ene prste i postavljam granice kad god sumnjam da ne\u0107u imati sposobnost ostati prisutna, smirena i spokojna. \u017delim biti melem za svijet, ali bez dobre brige za bolne no\u017ene prste vjerojatnije \u0107u postati jo\u0161 jedan izvor boli.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Umjesto da dokazuju razdvojenost, granice zapravo odra\u017eavaju istinu me\u0111usobnog spajanja – moja sre\u0107a ovisi o va\u0161oj sre\u0107i, a va\u0161a sre\u0107a ovisi o mojoj sre\u0107i. Nitko od nas ne mo\u017ee sam biti sretan, zdrav ili oslobo\u0111en. \u0160to vi\u0161e mo\u017eemo izbje\u0107i da jedni drugima nagazimo bolne no\u017ene prste i \u0161to vi\u0161e poradimo na identificiranju i brizi o vlastitim bolnim no\u017enim prstima, to \u0107e manja vjerojatnost biti da \u0107e oni eksplodirati kad se netko pribli\u017ei. Ovo nas znanje i praksa vode do toga da vidimo kako svatko od nas \u0161epa s vi\u0161e rana i svi neprestano gaze po bolnim no\u017enim prstima svih ostalih – svjesno i nesvjesno. Postavljanje granica manje se odnosi na podjelu ili razdvajanje, a vi\u0161e na ranjivost i ljubaznost koja vodi istinskom oslobo\u0111enju.<\/p>\n

Izvor<\/a><\/p>\n

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Annie Mahon obja\u0161njava va\u017enost granica i mogu\u0107nosti ranjivog povezivanja kroz postavljanje istih, pogotovo u vrijeme blagdana. U ovo doba godine […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4443,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[31,1044,68,56],"class_list":["post-4433","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-osobni-razvoj","tag-emocije","tag-granice","tag-ljubav","tag-odnosi"],"yoast_head":"\nPostaviti granice bez razdvajanja - Existentia<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Kako postaviti granice a ostati povezan s drugima? 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