{"id":178,"date":"2015-02-17T08:44:17","date_gmt":"2015-02-17T08:44:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/existentia.com.hr\/?p=178"},"modified":"2017-04-01T11:55:29","modified_gmt":"2017-04-01T11:55:29","slug":"odnosi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/existentia.com.hr\/hr\/odnosi\/","title":{"rendered":"Odnosi"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Odnosi\"<\/a>
Izvor: imperfectspirituality.com<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Odnosi me\u0111u ljudima podru\u010dje su najintenzivnijeg osobnog razvoja, pogotovo oni intimni. Kako zen gleda na probleme u odnosima i na odnose generalno?<\/p>\n

\n

Moja u\u010diteljica Charlotte Joko Beck sa\u017eima svoj stav o odnosima re\u010denicom \u201eOdnosi ne funkcioniraju\u201c<\/em>. Umjesto da \u00a0odnose promatra\u00a0kao mjesto na kojem dobivamo sve ono za \u0161to mislimo da dobivamo iz odnosa, poput ljubavi, dru\u017eenja, sigurnosti i obiteljskog \u017eivota, ona na njih\u00a0gleda iz perspektive u kojoj nema dobitka.<\/p>\n

Zvu\u010di pomalo neuobi\u010dajeno, ili? No to je dio zen perspektive.<\/p>\n

Ona se fokusira na sve na\u010dine na koje se odnosi mogu poremetiti\u00a0kad ljudi ulaze u njih s odre\u0111enim idejama da \u0107e ne\u0161to dobiti ili kad o\u010dekuju da odnosi funkcioniraju kao lijek za njihove probleme. Lijekovi su odre\u0111ene vrste izjava poput \u201eKad bi on\/a samo<\/em>…\u201c \u201eKad bi ona samo imala vi\u0161e razumijevanja; kad bi on samo bio vi\u0161e zainteresiran za seks, kad bi ona samo prestala piti.<\/em>\u201c<\/p>\n

Za Joko, ta vrsta razmi\u0161ljanja o odnosima predstavlja eksternalizaciju problema, jer uvijek pretpostavlja da je ono \u0161to \u0107e promijeniti na\u0161e \u017eivote izvan nas i u drugoj osobi. Kad bi se samo ta druga osoba sabrala, tada bi moj \u017eivot krenuo tijekom kojim \u017eelim.<\/p>\n

Kako umjesto toga rije\u0161iti probleme\u00a0koji se javljaju u odnosima?<\/h3>\n

Joko poku\u0161ava vratiti ljude nazad k njihovim vlastitim strahovima i nesigurnostima. Ti su problemi ono s \u010dim se treba raditi i nitko drugi, pa \u010dak ni (zen)u\u010ditelj, to ne mo\u017ee napraviti umjesto nas. Biti u pravom odnosu, odnosu ljubavi, zna\u010di biti spreman odgovoriti i biti tamo za drugu osobu, bez konstantnog kalkuliranja \u0161to \u0107emo iz tog odnosa dobiti.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Mnogi ljudi taj koncept ne-imanja o\u010dekivanja u zenu shva\u0107aju na krivi na\u010din pa dolaze i govore: \u201eJa sam bio\/bila u mnogo odnosa u kojima sam samo davao\/davala i davao i davao\u201c<\/em>. Ali to nije prosvjetljenje, to je mazohizam! Ono \u0161to ne razumiju iz Jokoinog originalnog opisa odnosa je to \u010demu zaista slu\u017ee odnosi. Uz to \u0161to smo svjesni zamki na koje nas ona upozorava, trebamo to pogledati na na\u010din da odnosi stvaraju uvjete za na\u0161 rast i razvoj.<\/p>\n

Odnosi; katalizatori razvoja<\/h3>\n

To je posebno vidljivo kod djece. Svi bismo se slo\u017eili da djeci treba odre\u0111ena vrsta ljubavi i njege kako bi rasla i razvijala se. Nitko ne\u0107e re\u0107i jednom petogodi\u0161njaku : \u201eTa za\u0161to ti uop\u0107e treba mama? Izvoli se sam nositi sa svojim strahom!\u201c<\/em> Stvar je u tome da se ve\u0107ina nas jo\u0161 uvijek bori s ostacima one dje\u010dje potrebitosti i straha, usred onoga \u0161to izgleda kao \u017eivot odraslih. A odnosi nisu samo \u0161take koje nam omogu\u0107avaju da izbjegnemo te strahove; oni tako\u0111er pru\u017eaju uvjete koji nam poma\u017eu da razvijemo svoje potencijale kako bismo u njima bili zreliji.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I kad govorimo o odnosima, nije rije\u010d samo\u00a0o odnosima izme\u0111u roditelja i djece ili odnosima me\u0111u partnerima. Odnosi u\u010ditelja s u\u010denikom, odnosi me\u0111u \u010dlanovima zen grupe, me\u0111u prijateljima, me\u0111u \u010dlanovima zajednice- svi nam poma\u017eu da se razvijamo na na\u010dine na koje to sami ne bismo mogli. Neki aspekti nas samih mogu se razviti tek pod pravim uvjetima.<\/p>\n

Aristotel je nagla\u0161avao va\u017enost zajednice i prijateljstva, kao nu\u017enih sastojaka za razvoj karaktera i za sre\u0107u. No kod njega ne\u0107ete na\u0107i mnogo o nu\u017enosti romanti\u010dne ljubavi kako biste se razvijali. Naglasak je na prijateljstvu.<\/p>\n

Aristotel je rekao da kako bismo postali vrli ljudi, trebamo uzore- druge koji su razvili svoje potencijale hrabrosti, samokontrole, mudrosti i pravde. Mo\u017eemo nagla\u0161avati razli\u010dite stvari koje ljude \u010dine uzorima, no budizam tako\u0111er stavlja naglasak na tu notu povezanosti, u smislu toga da nitko od nas to ne mo\u017ee u\u010diniti sam.<\/p>\n

Priznavanje te me\u0111uovisnosti prvi je korak pravog emocionalnog rada na podru\u010dju odnosa. Na\u0161a ambivalentnost oko na\u0161ih vlastitih potreba i ovisnosti \u010desto izlazi na povr\u0161inu u mnogim odnosima. Ne mo\u017eemo izbjegavati vlastite osje\u0107aje i potrebe ako \u017eelimo biti u odnosu s drugima. Biti u odnosu zna\u010di osjetiti vlastitu ranjivost u odnosu na druge ljude koji su nepredvidivi, i u okolnostima koje je intrinzi\u010dno nemogu\u0107e kontrolirati.<\/p>\n

Barry Magid<\/strong><\/p>\n

Izvor<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Odnosi me\u0111u ljudima podru\u010dje su najintenzivnijeg osobnog razvoja, pogotovo oni intimni. 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